According to a study by Andreas Bartels and Semir Zeki conducted in Wellcome Department of Imaging Neuroscience, University College London, neurologically all kinds of love activate the same parts of the brain. Scientifically, a mother love, a passionate relationship and a deep friendship cause the same reaction in a person’s brain function.
Furthermore, the study goes to compare the aspects of brain affected by love to those of other “award-based” affections, such as the one for money, drugs, food, etc. The conclusion is – love activates and moreover deactivates similar parts of our brain, as if we are addicted to something.
As mentioned by the researcher involved in the project Andreas Bartels (Dan Scotti, 2015) love and addiction affect a part of our brain responsible for making social judgements about the person we have affection for.
I believe I am not the only one, who have found herself in a situation where a single action has made me wonder “Is this the same person that I was swearing by a week ago?”. I do not consider myself a bad judge of characters, but I have continuously found myself betrayed, disappointed and used throughout the years. And I kept blaming myself, my acts, my words or my stupid misconceptions for returning to this situation.
What do I keep doing wrong? Do I trust people too easily? Is there such thing as giving too much? Why do people care only about themselves? Why is no one giving in return? How can I live without this person? Why can’t things be just as they were before?
However, I have devoted this year of my life to self-love and respect. Something I have often overlooked in the past. But this lead me to the realisation that one of the things I keep repeating in my relationships and getting hurt by is not walking away. Not considering myself as something more important than fixing someone else.
We always try to fix people, to make relationships work, to make ourselves whole. We give first, second, tenth chance and we keep on giving and giving to people who are not deserving of our efforts or are just too different to understand them.
Not every relationship deserves saving. Not every person deserves a chance. Not everything is possible to repair.
Think about it, the meaning of a relationship is to feel love, appreciation, happiness, support and motivation. If you constantly find yourself feeling the opposite way, what is this relationship giving you?
I remember the first time I felt brave enough to walk away. Not from a recent relationship with a guy, which name I won’t even remember in a year. No, a childhood friendship. The one that shapes you into the human you will become. The one you will remember forever and see in every new friendship you create. But people grow apart. People hurt each other. People mismatch.
The feeling is overwhelming. Feels like you are giving away a part of yourself. And it is exactly this. You give away this part of your personality you shared with only this one, special somebody. It is never easy.
And here you are – you said it’s over. Now what? How can you forget this person? How can you go to the places you went together? How can you share yourself with another person? How can you trust again? How can you move on?
You find yourself lost, alone and robbed. Rethinking again and again. What went wrong?
But time passes. You see your mistakes, you learn, grow, find a new side of yourself. You can laugh on your own. You can support yourself. Moving on brings freedom to your soul. You feel ready to trust and give to the right person. But which is the right person?
It is simple. Life is short, so surround yourself with people who make you happy, loved, appreciated and inspired to be someone better for them, and you, every day. Be in a place, where you are proud of the people around you, your relationships and most importantly yourself.
Letting go sometimes means loving yourself. And this is the first step to loving somebody else in a healthy manner. Because your brain may make you blind for a while, but it is your decision to follow your heart after your vision returns.